(by Younes B.)
I’d like to follow more adults who are in recovery because we often get different treatment to what non-adults get and it’d be great to support some others who are in similar treatment situations to me.
I’m supposed to be happy. WE ARE supposed to be happy. But I am not and WE ARE NOT. Do you still think that you’ll be happy with a girl like me? For sure as time goes by, i’ll seek more attention, ask for more time. take everything away from you. will you be happy with this selfish girl you thought was not? Well, I’m not the good and kind girl you thought i was. I tried but i cant. truthfully I’m selfish. as much as possible i want you alone. only mine. call me obsess, possessive, insecure, jealous or selfish, its fine cause its true. I’m obsess to what i (THINK) i own. I’m possessive to what i want (to have). I’m jealous of who you might like (love) and you used to like (love). I’m insecure in every possible way. the way you’ll move, the way you’ll talk. I’ll always have my own thought and have my own conclusion. I’m a crybaby. I’m not used to cry because i used to be strong. but since i met you i feel so weak. i cry on the simplest thing. I cant argue back because I’m afraid to be hated, I’m afraid to have a fight with you that i just cry. and I usually cry just because I MISS YOU. I cry because I JUST miss you.
I am sometimes simple minded, usually complicated. had lots of mood swing. simple things, i worry. nothing to you, big deal to me.
I ALWAYS have had this thought, “what if you found someone better?” I trust you but from all the things I’ve been through, you cant blame me to think this way. I was once fooled, cheated on, lied on and deceived. I dont wanna think that way but I’M SO INSECURE IN OUR RELATIONSHIP. even before we start dating. you know, whenever we’re together with others, you never made me feel more special. simple gestures is all i want. (you once held my hand. first time in school with dean and classmates. you have no idea how happy i was with just you touching my hand) all I want is a secure relationship. I don’t know what you need to do to make me feel secure, to ease this feeling. For a year, i have been putting it all that way like its fine but i cant anymore. not anymore. I can’t be in a relationship where i can’t be secure. I’ve always been like this.
I’m so afraid to lose you. i cant even bare the thought of losing you. I’m so sure in you. I wanna be with you. I wan’t you forever. but there’s something wrong. i cant help myself. I JUST LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT I’M AFRAID OF LOSING YOU. you must have no idea how scared I am.
How can I continue if I’m like this. How we can continue if we’re like this.
I miss you so much right now. I really do.
(Taken with Instagram)